❤ Smile baby =) ❤

Everything went back to normal after yesterday.
I guess.
Yesterday, fought again.
Cry, cry, cry.
Couldn't help myself, went berserk, almost killed myself.
To people who care,
thank God I'm still alive now.

It seems that sayang don not respect me no more.
Gosh, I thought I respected you.
If you say I didn't,
think back.

When we fought,
I told you not to make me maki you.
But you dared me.
But I still didn't maki you,
but I went berserk and slashed.
I rather hurt myself than hurting you.

But you,
when you told me not to make you ungkit,
i purposely dared you to.
I wanted to see if you're really a man.
It turned out, you're not.
You ungkit.
Is that respect?

I hung up because I couldn't take it.
I was actually your fault,
but you blamed my attitude.
And you didn't let me talk.
And kept repeating.
Did you know how hurt I was?

I cried to sleep yesterday.
Yes, I know you called me.
I didn't want to talk to you.
I wanted to die.
You thank God I went weak and cried to sleep.
or maybe fainted.

This morning, I had to cry my heart out,
just to convince you meet me up.
Don't you knnow how much I missed you?
I guess you didn't.

Yes, we met then.
But I couldn't feel you.
I couldn't feel my sayang.
It wasn't you.
I wanted to cry when we hugged.
But I told myself to be strong.

Dear God,
I beg you to answer me.
Til when must I suffer like this?
Til when will he realize himself?
Til when will he respect me once again?
Til when will all these stop?
I beg you to answer me dear God.

Sayang tried to cheer me up.
We came to my house surprisingly.
And I've packed him some leftovers from Athilah's brithday.

Oh, talking about Athilah's birthday,
I bought her a Dora wallet and purse for her.
Went to buy it at Vista, basic point with sayang.
Sayang was kinda pissed when he was late.
I'm sorry.
I just need you sayang.

Back to us again,
When I went out, he presented me with a can of Rootbeer.
I smiled, and my heart felt free.
Sayang was trying to win my heart back.
Maybe he did realised his mistakes and fault.
Of how disrespectful he was.
I'm happy.
I love my Sayang.
But somewhere deep inside,
I still feel like crying.
Crying so hard,
letting my heart out.

I don't know why I feel I lost something.
Or isit I lost someone?
Whom I've longed to love.
just disappeared like that.

I prayed so hard everyday,
dropped tears every night,
just hope for Sayang to be himself once again,
and respect me,
and love me for who I really am.
That way, I'm sure, our future ahead of us will be shining bright.
Here, I pray.
=)

❤ E ☆ Y ❤ L ☆ A ❤