❤ Bad, bad dream ! ❤

Some dreams are better off not being true.
I had a bad dream yesterday.
Which resulted me to making up in tears.
My dream goes like this :

I just came bck home.
Mom looks bothered by something.
Then Opah came.
All drowned in tears.
When Mom saw Opah, she cried.
Opah then ask Mom what's wrong.
Then mama cried , and said Dad passed away.
I burst into tears, cried so hard.
Surprisingly, Ayang was there.
And I hugged Ayang so tight and cried.

I woke up to find out i was crying.

Then, Dad was online today.
I talked to Dad, asked how was he.
He said not too bad.
I felt like crying.
Come back please Daddy.
So All of us can be happy.

❤ E ☆ Y ❤ L ☆ A ❤

❤ Happy Birthday To ME ! ❤

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ME !
My day turns out so bery the happy ya know !
Got some presents, ENJOY !
Camwhored alot.
ENJOY the pics.
Too tired to post so many.
Update later aights !

❤ E ☆ Y ❤ L ☆ A ❤

❤ Gadooooh Lagy ? ❤

Ayang really turned me down yesterday.
Yes, it's really surprising when he came surprisingly.
He played boxing, catching ( mcm bdk2 kan ? ) , and I trimmed his brows.
Then, everything started to turned sour.
He wanted to go fetch Sarah, his babysister, at Admiralty.
Okay i admit I was wrong, I was late.
I'm sorry about that.
But it's partly Sarah's fault too.
She didn't wait nor tried to find Ayg.

Then, Ayg sent me home.
Then I told him to wait because I wanted to go out again to buy food.
Then he threw his cap so suddenly.
I said, lau tk ikhlas nk ikot, g alek je.
He said, asl tady tk g beli?
I raised my voice, tk cukop duit.
Then I just went in the house.
But my selera hilang already.
So i go out, salam him and tell him to go home,
since I don't want to eat already.
Then I just go in the house.
Less that a minute, I went out.
To check if he really went.
And he did.

Then, I called him to tell him that I'm checking the letterbox.
Then I just hung up.
Then he called bck and membebel.
Then I said I just called to say I'm checking the letterbox aje.
Then he said, go ahead uh, I TK KESAH !
Okayh, that's one.
He said me bullshit and stuff, okayh, fine.
Then, after membebel, he hung up.

Then I waited for him to call me.
I didnt went out at all.
I sat in my room, holding bck my tears.
Then suddenly he msged me,
And these were his exact words.

NIE SMUE U NYE PSL.
NOW I NYE LINE DAA KENE TARIK.
N I GADOH NGN AYAH.
NW I DAA TKLE KLUA.
THANKS EHK.
IS THIS MY BIRTHDAY PRESENT?

Yuhp, exact words.
My fault, my fault, everything's my fault.
your bday present?
or is this mine?
yeah, its okay.

Then, we tried to talk things out.
but it turned out worse.
I told him, idc whts his reason, my bdae, he's nt there, we're over.
I mean, seriously, It saddens me.
This is going to be the first time I'll be celebrating my birthday outside.
And you're not there?
How would you expect me to feel ?
And then he said we mmg ader pape, but tkder ikatan.
PEH SEDIH !
And I said, what's up with all those sontot?
He said, he thoguht nie smue stakat keje je?
I gt so sad, heartbroken seyh.
Then his dad gt out already, and he had to put dwn.
Ish, then I got really sad.
And cried and cried and cried.
And I didn't want to talked to him anymore.

I action tido, but I knew he called.
But I didn't want to talk to him.
ME TOO SAD !
But today, he apologised.
And want to take me go movies.
We'll see how it goes.
I'll update later.

Baby Ice pon gt problem.
About her 'boy',
WHAT AN ASSHOLE !
SERIOUSLY?!
Well, we'll wait and see.
I need to go meet up this guy.

I'm still thinking whether to celebrate.
I don't feel like celebrating my brithday.
So devastated.
I'll update later.

❤ E ☆ Y ❤ L ☆ A ❤

❤ Happy, Happy Today ! ❤

I got my hair rebonded last Thursday,

with GIRLFRIENDS !

Then, we went to town.

Edited some pictures ( above ).

Today, Opah came.

And treated my whole family to the movies.

i wanted to watch 'Drag me to hell',

but no one wanted to watch with me.

Ayang couldn't follow because Ayah's coming home today from hospital.

But Opah wanted him to follow.

*SMILES*

But last minute, Afiq ( babybrother ) wanted to watch with me.

He's 11 and love violence.

But Opah already bought the tickets.

And we had to watch 'Land of the lost'.

Can say mepek lah the cite.

But what the heck.

Thanks Opah!

I missed Sayang.

Can we go watch 'Drag me to hell' one day?

PLEASE ! ( cute, teary eyes )

Ayang just laughed, and said,

" So no ring for birthday ? "

AWW !

And I said, " Both lah, Ok ? Syg you! "

And he just laughes, and said see how.

Okay !

I love you, baby.

❤ E ☆ Y ❤ L ☆ A ❤

❤ Disasterous ! ❤

Everything's ruining.
My stupid hair cannot straight.
Spent 188 bucks for this shit !
Fcuk that rebond hair shop.

Thw weather sucks.
I hope by birthday the weather's okayh.
Please.

Conflict between Ayang and bbygirl, Ice.
Why can't you guys understand each other ?!
It's my fcuking birthday,
and maybe you guys ain't coming,
because you're mad at each other?
What shit is this?!
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY !
Might as well I celebrate alone siaa.

Ice, let it go.
Yes, what he said was unacceptable.
But I forgave him.
So, you must let it go girl.
And he refered it to me, not you.
So why take it to heart?
Just let it go please.

Sayang, don't take it to heart lah.
You know how Ice is.
Let it be lah.
Anyway, You should understand why she's like this.
I'm her friend, and she cares.
But please, let it go.

Guys, please make my birthday happen for me.
I don't want any conflicts and stuff.
Please.
You guys should really understand each other.
Seriously.



❤ E ☆ Y ❤ L ☆ A ❤

❤ Must be happy =) ❤

I'm smiling.
At last!
Sayang tak uat prangai, I tk uat prangai.
Everything's going on smoothly.
What's coming up tomorrow?
I'm going for rebonding before my birthday.
Will be going with Redha baby.
Since she has the promotion thingy.
Rebonding for $45 bucks, okayh lah.
So yah, look out for mah new hairstyle bebeh!

❤ E ☆ Y ❤ L ☆ A ❤

❤ Smile baby =) ❤

Everything went back to normal after yesterday.
I guess.
Yesterday, fought again.
Cry, cry, cry.
Couldn't help myself, went berserk, almost killed myself.
To people who care,
thank God I'm still alive now.

It seems that sayang don not respect me no more.
Gosh, I thought I respected you.
If you say I didn't,
think back.

When we fought,
I told you not to make me maki you.
But you dared me.
But I still didn't maki you,
but I went berserk and slashed.
I rather hurt myself than hurting you.

But you,
when you told me not to make you ungkit,
i purposely dared you to.
I wanted to see if you're really a man.
It turned out, you're not.
You ungkit.
Is that respect?

I hung up because I couldn't take it.
I was actually your fault,
but you blamed my attitude.
And you didn't let me talk.
And kept repeating.
Did you know how hurt I was?

I cried to sleep yesterday.
Yes, I know you called me.
I didn't want to talk to you.
I wanted to die.
You thank God I went weak and cried to sleep.
or maybe fainted.

This morning, I had to cry my heart out,
just to convince you meet me up.
Don't you knnow how much I missed you?
I guess you didn't.

Yes, we met then.
But I couldn't feel you.
I couldn't feel my sayang.
It wasn't you.
I wanted to cry when we hugged.
But I told myself to be strong.

Dear God,
I beg you to answer me.
Til when must I suffer like this?
Til when will he realize himself?
Til when will he respect me once again?
Til when will all these stop?
I beg you to answer me dear God.

Sayang tried to cheer me up.
We came to my house surprisingly.
And I've packed him some leftovers from Athilah's brithday.

Oh, talking about Athilah's birthday,
I bought her a Dora wallet and purse for her.
Went to buy it at Vista, basic point with sayang.
Sayang was kinda pissed when he was late.
I'm sorry.
I just need you sayang.

Back to us again,
When I went out, he presented me with a can of Rootbeer.
I smiled, and my heart felt free.
Sayang was trying to win my heart back.
Maybe he did realised his mistakes and fault.
Of how disrespectful he was.
I'm happy.
I love my Sayang.
But somewhere deep inside,
I still feel like crying.
Crying so hard,
letting my heart out.

I don't know why I feel I lost something.
Or isit I lost someone?
Whom I've longed to love.
just disappeared like that.

I prayed so hard everyday,
dropped tears every night,
just hope for Sayang to be himself once again,
and respect me,
and love me for who I really am.
That way, I'm sure, our future ahead of us will be shining bright.
Here, I pray.
=)

❤ E ☆ Y ❤ L ☆ A ❤

❤ Important? ❤

Now, it really shows that I am not important to you.
Thank you for all your false hopes and sweet talks.
You didn't bother calling me back when I hung up.
And my little sister's birthday?
I made the effort to clean, bake, and cook.
Because I thought you were coming.
Otherwise, why would I bother wasting my time?
Can't you at least take a day off?
There's always Zaidi what?
And you telling me you want to lepak with your friends?
Wah, how about me?
Learn to manage your time!
Am I not important to you?

I waited for you at MSL Hill.
Yes, I'm with my friends.
But I waited.
And when I called you,
You hung up on me.

DID YOU KNOW HOW I FELT ?!
Did you?

Thanks for being the worst boyfriend ever.
A jerk who doesn't cares.

Don't bother crying for someone who doesn't care for you anymore, Eyla.
Just go kill yourself.
And rot in hell girl.
No one bothers about you anymore.
Just die bitch.

I have not eaten nor drink for hours.

Let me die.

❤ E ☆ Y ❤ L ☆ A ❤

❤ Time For A Change ❤

Yes, thank you.
I've learnt so much.
I'm torn.
But I'm strong.

It's time for a change.
I'll be equal.
I'll be who you guys want me to be.
Even if I have to act.

My goal now?
Enjoy life, Smile !

❤ E ☆ Y ❤ L ☆ A ❤

❤ And He Goes Again ! ❤

Dear people,
Eyla's really sick right now.
A serious case of heartache.
Therefore,
She will change for the best.
She will change to be strong.
She will change to be who she is best.

She love her guy.
But her guy called her a prostitude.
Therefore, it resulted her to a very serious heartache.
And she's depressed right now.
And so hurt that made her so hard to believe in Zackylla.
And she really could not forgive Zack.
As much as she wanted to, she couldn't.
Because it hurts TOO MUCH.
But she still loves him.
TOO MUCH that she could not let go of the heartache.
She says she's sorry.
It's just too much.
And she's very sad.
And hurt.
And it takes time to forgive you.
But she still love him.
With her whole heart.
And hopes Zack says sorry.
And change for her.
Because that's what she wants for her birthday.
OHH !
And a ring too okay?
Thank you.
I love you.

She love her friends.
Eijah and Mal are always there for her.
Thank you little babies.
She love you guys.
But in her relationship, She has to make her own opinion.
And she will be strong all the way,
but not leave her one true love,
eventhough it hurts inside.

Sorry for any inconvenience caused.
Thank you.

='C

❤ E ☆ Y ❤ L ☆ A ❤

❤ Sick, Sick, Sick ❤

God heard my prayers.
I want to be sick,
and HE heard my prayers.
Thank you God.

Dear sayang,
I bet you don't even know I'm sick yeah?
Yeah, you're a busy man now.
Very busy indeed.
No more time for me.
No more me.

Tak perh la.
Though it hurts,
I'm still strong.
I don't know why I'm still here.
Waiting for what's impossible to get.
Wake up Ella.
Or maybe EyLLa.

Maybe I should let myself just be EyLLa.
Being EyLLa, people respect me.
People treasure me.
People love me.
Being ELLA?
Everything she did was with her fullest heart.
But everyone treated it as if they are all bullshit.
It seems that she was not appreciated.

Dear love, why must I suffer?
I've did everything to make things right.

No one knows I'm actually suffering.
From pain and heartaches every single day.
and the flowing of tears every night.
No one knows.
Not even the person whom I love so much.

It seems tat this situation just hurts too much.
Nevermind.
You don't know.
You won't probably read this entry.
It's okay la syg.
I'm fine.
=)

❤ E ☆ L ❤ L ☆ A ❤

❤ Over-reacted ❤

I guess I took all these the wrong way.
I over-reacted, I guess.
I guess I'm gonna have my period.
Been very moody nowadays.
Sayang, forgive me if I've done wrong,
and hurt you by words.
I really didn't mean tht.
I was just too stressed.
I love you.

I'm off to school now.
Chow!

❤ E ☆ L ❤ L ☆ A ❤

❤ Let The Tears Flow ❤

Haishh. Sayang, let the tears flow.
You don't know how much it hurts so much.
I've tried so hard.
But your family treated it like nothing.
You treated it like nothing.
I feel like shit when you told me those things.
I give up.
You never fight fo rme,
you let them have the bad impression about me.
Haishh.
i give up.

❤ E ☆ L ❤ L ☆ A ❤

❤ Sad, sad me ='C ❤

Today, my family and I went to Aunty Diana and Uncle Ipin's wedding anniversary.
I ate alot.
Ayam masak merah.
FAVOURITE !
I ate just the chickens.
about 10 ? Ahha.

After that, I went to see ayah at TTSH.
Mom and gang didn't follow.
Sayang waited for me at Novena MRT station.
So there, ayah had this clip thingy on h is finger.
It's for heartbeat I guess.So I was so afraid to salam, so I didn't.
And I stood there without talking at all for about an hour ++
And then ayg's relative came.
And I had to go home, cos it was oredi 6++ and I have to reach home by 7.
So then I asked him to send me home.
He didnt say anything, so I assume he was sending me.
Then, on the way to the MRT station, we terserempak with Najj.
She was visiting ayah too.
So then, at the MRT station, he said ok lahh.
So i was like, I thought you're sending me?
And he was like, since when did I said that?
Then he told me 2 things that really made me tersinggung.

1 : Nenek asked him whether I am controling.
He said No.
But nenek said don't lie,
by the tine of my voice, she knew I was controlling.
WHAT DO YOU EXPECT?!
I am supposed to be!
because I was afraid ayg would cheat on me AGAIN !
So I had to get control of this.
Hearign ayg said tht, my eyes was already filled with tears.
And I tried so hard not to cry.

2 : He said Ibu tegur about my shirt.
She said my sleeves tend to menurun and can see my bra straps.
I mean, is that my fault?
I don't even know!

After that, to prevent myself from realy crying,
I just walked away into the MRT station,
and ayg was calling me out.
and I wanted so much to turn and give him a hug and kiss,
but I didn't wanna cry.
So I just walked without looking back.
At the escalator, a tear dropped.
And I had to wipe it away.
People were looking at me.
but what to do?
I am sad.

My journey home was awful.
I hear very emotional songs in mp3.
britney's old songs especially.
Haish.

Whatever it is,
i will make a point to prove to everyone,
I am not who they think I am.
Say what you may say,
though it hurts,
I will still stand strong.

Ayah, even though you might not like me,
like you did before,
Imma still stand by your side,
praying you get well soon.

And Ibu, I may not be the best.
But I'll prove to you I'll be a god wife for your son.

To sayang,
I will keep loving you.
I'm sorry for everything.
Give me time okay?
I love you.

My current mood right now : Very, Very Sad and Disappointed. ='C

❤ E ☆ L ❤ L ☆ A ❤

❤ Happy 20th Monhsary ! ❤

Dear Love,
Thank you for today.
Happy 2oth Anniversary . 1 Year 8 Months Anniversary.
I Love You Sayang. Muahmuah.

Today, Ayang & Me went to Northpoint.
I ate BK for breakfast.
He didn't ate expect for some pieces of my hashbrowns.
After breakfast,
We went to catch a movie.
Night At The Museum 2.
Ok lahh the story.
But the plot's a lil complicated.
But ok lahh.
Did some stuffs in the cinema.
SHH !

Then we went to CWP.
He wanted to buy me a rose, but there was not enough money.
So yah, never mind.
But he tried, so I was facing back.
And he came out of the store and he said he couldn't get the rose.
But I felt different.
I knew he had the rose.
So I said, If there's any rose behind me ...
And I couldn't continue my sentnce.
Then I laughed.
And he presented a rose.
AWW !
So we walked and everyone was staring at my rose.
But whatever, JAKUN katekan.
So yeah, went home.
Rose resting in the fridge.
And here I am, updating.
Dah, till here then.

HAPPY 20th monthsary / 1 yr 8 mths anniversary SAYANG !
I LOVE YOU!
Thanks again for today sayang.
Muahmuah.

❤ E ☆ L ❤ L ☆ A ❤

❤ OOPS ! ❤

Oh dear! What have I done?!
It's our 20th monthsary tomorrow, and I'm giving shit!
I shouldn't have screamed at ayang.
I guess I'm just tired.
What do you expect?
8 am to 5 pm of schooling, just to finish Art ?!
UNREASONABLE!
People are playing around man.
I could even go out and take a smoke or two.
WTH !

Ayang, I'm sorry for screming at you.
I love you okayy?
I'm looking forward to tomorrow okay ayang?

And HAPPY 20th MONTHSARY / 1 year 8 mths in advance baby.
I LOVE YOU!
Muahmuah.

❤ E ☆ L ❤ L ☆ A ❤

❤ Enjoy ! ❤

Yeah, things have changed since our recent argument.
Funny boyfie!
I guess I over-reacted. i was stressed,
and he adds on.
how am I not supposed to be fucked?
So yeah, things got out of hand, ayang bit me.
Couple of blueblacks on my right arm.
Ayang said sorry, and we're done.
Some asked me, why let it be?
It's just parts and parcels of life.
Ups and downs.
So since I wanna get married to him, I guess I just have to bear him.
But we're getting better.
Our relatioship's getting stronger now.
And I'm changing.
HURRAY !

Today, ayang came and helped up with this computer.
Turned out there's this stupid programme thingy.
IDK!
But we are so like MARRIED,
wifey and husband.
Then after that, we went to Marsling with mama.
And came back home again.
Ayang felt hurt when I didn't entertain him when the internet was okay again.
SORRY ayang!
dont take it the wrong way ayang.
Guess I was too engrossed.
I'm really sorry ayang.
And thank you so much okeh?
I love you!

Anyways, This coming friday, 5th June, is our 20th monthsary?
Which is 1 year 8months ?
So, ayang wants to bring me to the ZOO.
ZOO? Of all places, ZOO ? Haha. LOLs.
But atleast, it's a date right?
So I appreciate that ayang.
I'm looking forward to Friday!

Owh, not to forget, Ma Birthday!
It's coming up, 27th June.
I'll be celebrating ma birthday at ECP!
But it's not confirmed.
But I really hope it is.
SWEET 16 !
Sayang's giving me a ring.
He accidentally blurted it out.
YAY !
I know what's ayang giving me.
But yeah, the 'propose' is still a surprise right?
IDK how you would want to 'propose' me kan?
so no worries ayang!
Dearest God, please make my dream party come true!

❤ E ☆ L ❤ L ☆ A ❤