❤ Must be happy =) ❤

I'm smiling.
At last!
Sayang tak uat prangai, I tk uat prangai.
Everything's going on smoothly.
What's coming up tomorrow?
I'm going for rebonding before my birthday.
Will be going with Redha baby.
Since she has the promotion thingy.
Rebonding for $45 bucks, okayh lah.
So yah, look out for mah new hairstyle bebeh!

❤ E ☆ Y ❤ L ☆ A ❤

❤ Smile baby =) ❤

Everything went back to normal after yesterday.
I guess.
Yesterday, fought again.
Cry, cry, cry.
Couldn't help myself, went berserk, almost killed myself.
To people who care,
thank God I'm still alive now.

It seems that sayang don not respect me no more.
Gosh, I thought I respected you.
If you say I didn't,
think back.

When we fought,
I told you not to make me maki you.
But you dared me.
But I still didn't maki you,
but I went berserk and slashed.
I rather hurt myself than hurting you.

But you,
when you told me not to make you ungkit,
i purposely dared you to.
I wanted to see if you're really a man.
It turned out, you're not.
You ungkit.
Is that respect?

I hung up because I couldn't take it.
I was actually your fault,
but you blamed my attitude.
And you didn't let me talk.
And kept repeating.
Did you know how hurt I was?

I cried to sleep yesterday.
Yes, I know you called me.
I didn't want to talk to you.
I wanted to die.
You thank God I went weak and cried to sleep.
or maybe fainted.

This morning, I had to cry my heart out,
just to convince you meet me up.
Don't you knnow how much I missed you?
I guess you didn't.

Yes, we met then.
But I couldn't feel you.
I couldn't feel my sayang.
It wasn't you.
I wanted to cry when we hugged.
But I told myself to be strong.

Dear God,
I beg you to answer me.
Til when must I suffer like this?
Til when will he realize himself?
Til when will he respect me once again?
Til when will all these stop?
I beg you to answer me dear God.

Sayang tried to cheer me up.
We came to my house surprisingly.
And I've packed him some leftovers from Athilah's brithday.

Oh, talking about Athilah's birthday,
I bought her a Dora wallet and purse for her.
Went to buy it at Vista, basic point with sayang.
Sayang was kinda pissed when he was late.
I'm sorry.
I just need you sayang.

Back to us again,
When I went out, he presented me with a can of Rootbeer.
I smiled, and my heart felt free.
Sayang was trying to win my heart back.
Maybe he did realised his mistakes and fault.
Of how disrespectful he was.
I'm happy.
I love my Sayang.
But somewhere deep inside,
I still feel like crying.
Crying so hard,
letting my heart out.

I don't know why I feel I lost something.
Or isit I lost someone?
Whom I've longed to love.
just disappeared like that.

I prayed so hard everyday,
dropped tears every night,
just hope for Sayang to be himself once again,
and respect me,
and love me for who I really am.
That way, I'm sure, our future ahead of us will be shining bright.
Here, I pray.
=)

❤ E ☆ Y ❤ L ☆ A ❤

❤ Important? ❤

Now, it really shows that I am not important to you.
Thank you for all your false hopes and sweet talks.
You didn't bother calling me back when I hung up.
And my little sister's birthday?
I made the effort to clean, bake, and cook.
Because I thought you were coming.
Otherwise, why would I bother wasting my time?
Can't you at least take a day off?
There's always Zaidi what?
And you telling me you want to lepak with your friends?
Wah, how about me?
Learn to manage your time!
Am I not important to you?

I waited for you at MSL Hill.
Yes, I'm with my friends.
But I waited.
And when I called you,
You hung up on me.

DID YOU KNOW HOW I FELT ?!
Did you?

Thanks for being the worst boyfriend ever.
A jerk who doesn't cares.

Don't bother crying for someone who doesn't care for you anymore, Eyla.
Just go kill yourself.
And rot in hell girl.
No one bothers about you anymore.
Just die bitch.

I have not eaten nor drink for hours.

Let me die.

❤ E ☆ Y ❤ L ☆ A ❤

❤ Time For A Change ❤

Yes, thank you.
I've learnt so much.
I'm torn.
But I'm strong.

It's time for a change.
I'll be equal.
I'll be who you guys want me to be.
Even if I have to act.

My goal now?
Enjoy life, Smile !

❤ E ☆ Y ❤ L ☆ A ❤

❤ And He Goes Again ! ❤

Dear people,
Eyla's really sick right now.
A serious case of heartache.
Therefore,
She will change for the best.
She will change to be strong.
She will change to be who she is best.

She love her guy.
But her guy called her a prostitude.
Therefore, it resulted her to a very serious heartache.
And she's depressed right now.
And so hurt that made her so hard to believe in Zackylla.
And she really could not forgive Zack.
As much as she wanted to, she couldn't.
Because it hurts TOO MUCH.
But she still loves him.
TOO MUCH that she could not let go of the heartache.
She says she's sorry.
It's just too much.
And she's very sad.
And hurt.
And it takes time to forgive you.
But she still love him.
With her whole heart.
And hopes Zack says sorry.
And change for her.
Because that's what she wants for her birthday.
OHH !
And a ring too okay?
Thank you.
I love you.

She love her friends.
Eijah and Mal are always there for her.
Thank you little babies.
She love you guys.
But in her relationship, She has to make her own opinion.
And she will be strong all the way,
but not leave her one true love,
eventhough it hurts inside.

Sorry for any inconvenience caused.
Thank you.

='C

❤ E ☆ Y ❤ L ☆ A ❤

❤ Sick, Sick, Sick ❤

God heard my prayers.
I want to be sick,
and HE heard my prayers.
Thank you God.

Dear sayang,
I bet you don't even know I'm sick yeah?
Yeah, you're a busy man now.
Very busy indeed.
No more time for me.
No more me.

Tak perh la.
Though it hurts,
I'm still strong.
I don't know why I'm still here.
Waiting for what's impossible to get.
Wake up Ella.
Or maybe EyLLa.

Maybe I should let myself just be EyLLa.
Being EyLLa, people respect me.
People treasure me.
People love me.
Being ELLA?
Everything she did was with her fullest heart.
But everyone treated it as if they are all bullshit.
It seems that she was not appreciated.

Dear love, why must I suffer?
I've did everything to make things right.

No one knows I'm actually suffering.
From pain and heartaches every single day.
and the flowing of tears every night.
No one knows.
Not even the person whom I love so much.

It seems tat this situation just hurts too much.
Nevermind.
You don't know.
You won't probably read this entry.
It's okay la syg.
I'm fine.
=)

❤ E ☆ L ❤ L ☆ A ❤

❤ Over-reacted ❤

I guess I took all these the wrong way.
I over-reacted, I guess.
I guess I'm gonna have my period.
Been very moody nowadays.
Sayang, forgive me if I've done wrong,
and hurt you by words.
I really didn't mean tht.
I was just too stressed.
I love you.

I'm off to school now.
Chow!

❤ E ☆ L ❤ L ☆ A ❤